Disarray

 Wake up in the morning and its the thing again.
Its the turn your head around hopping to find Rodney beside you.
I know its dumb to lie to you, telling you i'm attached so you'll move on
But i never regret anything because all i do i did it for you.

The agony i had to take
The accusation from people who don't understand.

It all don't matter now.
After all these, i know that i've learn to love you by letting it all go.
I just hope you wont forget me.

 You brought that bitch home 
and now you flip it all on me
because i lied to you and go out with Shan.

Well done Mr Fucker Foo.
You have no wrong in cheating on me because 
i lied to you and go out with shan shan,
Why i lied? because you nag and yack just
so i will not go out.

What is it that you want? seriously?
What is it that you really want?
Find opportunities and flip it on me so
somehow it makes you sound like 
WE'RE EVEN?

 



I think that holding on is just a selfish move you made so as to 
have me as a back up plan. I do not understand why i have to 
tell you my where about and agree with your unreasonable
request. 

Where as i love you so selflessly. Won't you feel bad about all
the Shit you put me through? Won't you feel ashame of that kind 
of love you portrait so selfish and constantly hurting people around
you especially me. I won't be forever good to you. Just wait and see.

Mind the Gap between this two kind of LOVE.

Can you just go?

Everything that happened until today i am so sick of it.
I want to be happy i want to be normal girl that have someone to love
I do not need surprises everyday i do not need you to be wealthy.
I need you to be rich, in loving me.
Spend every bit of love you have on me.

I miss my smile. can someone revive it?
I miss myself. can someone get me back?
I miss what i have before. can someone turn back time?
I miss you but i am digging you a grave.

I felt my heart frost when i look into your eye.
I turned around and enjoy the moment that frozen heart falls into pieces.


I'm all glued back together now. I make no apologies for how I chose to repair what you broke.

 

Remember those walls I built
Well baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make a sound
I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

Hit me like a ray of sun
Burning through my darkest night
You're the only one that I want
Think I'm addicted to your light
I swore I'd never fall again
But this don't even feel like falling
Gravity can't forget
To pull me to the ground again

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace
You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo
Pray it won't fade away

 


You flew passed me in the speed of light leaving me all confused.
I spend days and nights with friends, People surround me people
leave. No one left a print in my heart. I still looking for you my 
baby boy. You're the last piece of puzzle to complete my broken
heart. This is Bitter Sweet :) It has been a month we broke up, two
weeks not seeing each other. In the process of missing you. No one
around me can let me feel happiness the way you gave even when 
we are screaming at each other even when we're quarreling. Now 
that i've lost all these i'm starting to feel empty. How i wish i can have
you now by my side. Quarrel or fight, i'll accept anything just to get
back to your side. 

 "We're friends, real friends, and that means no matter how long
it takes, when you finally do decide to look back, I'll still be here."
- Dr. Meredith Grey

i had a glance through the album named our everyday. Looking through it i realise when it says our or we, it no longer means i am in it anymore. Its no longer calling me out whenever they have gathering. when they're bored. when they are low. when they needed someone. I felt my heart stopped for a moment. i HEAR my tears falling on my laptop. WE used to go out every week. WE used to go to clubs now and then. Now its just you guys and me. Suddenly all i surrounded with is just silence. I thought i could let it go, i thought i could get used to not having you guys round me but i was wrong. It just aint the same anymore. But this is life, not as glamourous as it is on the surface. Not like what you all say, that this friendship can start all over again and forgive what i did wrong once. Its never gonna be the same, and i know i have to let it all go. From today onwards there's no more we. its just me and myself. looking for a new purpose in life. Not to live for u guys anymore, not to cry over you guys, not to be happy when you all are happy not to be sad when you guys feel sad not to feel anger the way you all feel. Once upon a time, there's 7 of us 6 best friends of mine, now its just me. remembering the day we took this picture, Reminiscence.



i miss you all.

 

Midnight desserts!!! But we went there and the shop is alr closed :(
so we went to eat rochor bean curd instead :) YUM YUM

This wish list is back on demand. Making this extra SIMPLE for my sweet friends who do not know what to get for me :)

1. agnès b. Ring

2. Leather jacket size 6

3. Big Bag

4. Mascara

5. new ear rings (prefer. stud)

6. havaianas Black one with gold wording if possible (size 35/36)

7. Clutch

8. New piercing

9. Dress

10. All my friends around me

11. Belt

Sometimes birthday is only complete with friends and family around. Happiness is the most important in life and not what i would receive as presents on my birthday. As long as you have the sincerity, a birthday card or an sms would be enough. But for people who can afford to buy me some small little present i'll be even happier :) MUAHAHAHA!!!

I'm LovED

no more spinning myself around you
no more living on your emotions
no more sweet thoughts of you
no more memories left to view

You took it all away from me, now that i'm still standing i realise i could live without you.
Time and again with hopes that are crashed, i bring myself lies to carry on loving you.
Now i'm all dried up and wounded. Packed up and ready to leave.
If i'm forcing my way through loving you like this then i'll stop.
I'll restrain myself from you, from loving you for caring for you.

I'm not afraid to lose.
I'm prepared to lose.

So don't you think i wont dare to leave.
Cause the next thing you'll know is living in a world without me
seriously, i have enough.

no more crying
no more sweet talks
no more fear
no more you.

Therefore
NO MORE REGRETS

PS: save all your lies and your pretentious, hypocritical pretty little face to the next loser. I QUIT.

I went to hospital to visit my grandpa, he is still as cute as ever but a little too skinny.
But everything went on well for him as he is leaving the hospital the next day.
Well well well good start for him :)

After which i went to town and meet huiying,
BUT she left me waiting at spins for ard 2 hours.
Hmmm not bad, training for my patience :)

After we meet up we went for some shopping to look for present.
Its jayden and huiying's 2nd year ANNIVERSARY!!
Sounds big, its like 2 wonderful years together :)
OH~ so sweet :)

After that we meet up with the rest of the people: jayden rodney eileen wei xuan eunice.
We went to eat SUSHI and we went off for other plans.
BUt poor eileen have to wait for Ham for so long ;(
TSK TSK TSK

Anyway here's a sweet surprise that rodney gave me,
He bring his helmet along when he meet me so i thought well we are going around on Bike.
Then he told me that his friends is coming in car so they can fetch huiying jayden and wei xuan,
making it even more convincing.
We walked to the car park and he suddenly walk up to a car
and open its door.

YES i think u can imagine how shock i am.
Well its v sweet of him.
then he drove us all to dempsey hill's Ben's and Jerry to have ice cream :)
YUM YUM

After that we wanted to go watch fireworks at marina.
but we got stuck in the jam so we had to watch the firework on the highway,
holding our hands and jayden huiying is hugging each other say: happy anniversary
SO SWEET!

Went to clarke quay to meet wei xuan and drink
while teaching huiying how to play 5 10
jayden had too much to drink and his face is so RED!!

OH wells
After that we went for supple at geylang (our fav. dim sum place)

Went back to his place after that and HUG each other to Sleep :)
Well Done baby :)

It has been so long that i felt love, So strong.
At the start of 2009 i felt love happiness kinship and friendship surrounding me.
Nothing could have be better.

Thanks for all the efforts and to all my friends that is there or not there with me on the day,
i want to tell you guys that i wont make it so far without you:)
LOVE YOU ALL ;)